Beer Fact of the Day

Two drinks a day is linked with 10-25% increased salary! Increase your salary today :P

http://www.meermacatawa.com/blog/archives/2005/07/13/beer_more_income/index.php

beer fact of the day

Beer found to help prevent cancer. Cheers!

http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/anti-cancer_compound_in_beer_gaining_interest_9302

beer fact of the day

Why don't they teach us this in elementary school? Pilgrams landed on Plymouth Rock because they were short on beer.

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/051125.html

Drinking on the Job

This woman walked up to us at Lucy's, Budweiser in hand, and offered us a round of Budweiser. We're like, sure. Apparently, she works for Anheuser-Busch. I kid you not, this is her job. She travels around the South East promoting (and drinking) beer! As anyone who knows me would know, my first question was "Are they hiring?" Which, as it turns out, they may be.

As most of my readers know, I'm graduating this semester. As part of my job hunt, I decided to type 'beer' into monster.com. Of the hundreds of results, not one of them wanted to pay me to drink it! I just don't understand. 'Vodka', 'Alchohol'; I even desperately tried 'Tequila' and all I met were similar disappointments. So, if you want to pay me to drink beer, please contact me immediately! References available on request.

My last post was riddled in anticipation of three trips to Vegas. Unfortunately, only one of them actually happened - and nothing worth blogging! Anyways, I have a few stories that may be worthy. More soon, I promise!

Vegas Summer!

Today, within one hour, I got two invites to vegas for this summer. Combined with a third trip that I was already planning, that's (at least) THREE trips to Vegas this summer! Three unique trips: A bachelor party, a poker trip, and one with my alchoholic gambling buddy and his alchoholic law school friends. I am seriously considering a Vegas time share.

Why does blogger's spellchecker not recognize the word 'blog'?

Spring Break: Shark Attack

OK So, let me finish the tale of spring break. For some reason, Vince assumed that I wouldn't get piss drunk and embarrass him in front of his friends from undergrad (If this were the case, there would be no blog post, would there?), and decided to invite me with to Virginia. So it's me, Vince, Tynia, Scott (Vince's friend) and ... crap I'm not going to attempt to spell his name, but it sounds sorta like you would pronounce Jaime in spanish - but he's French. Anyways, the 5 of us trek to VA, see some huge Easter bunny's in people's yards; discover a pool hall that doubles as a gas station; and all the other things you might expect to see in rural NC.

I'll tell this tale in first person, though I should point out that this is pieced together through my hazy recollections and fractured 2nd hand tales.

Anyways, we roll in to UVA, meet his friends, eat some grub. FINALLY, we get to the bar. First impressions, I'm not so impressed. However, we start drinking the shots - I buy a round, someone else buys a round, some else buys another, etc. I remember a few beers, a raspberry Long Island; but I think the drink of the day was Liquid Cocaine which few people had had before. Anyways, I start to talk to some law student girls who are friends of the people we're staying with. Vince tells me I was 'hitting' on them, although that's not how I remember it (actually, I don't remember anything I said or talked about). Apparently, they thought Tynia and I were married, but Tynia corrected them ("We're not married but I fucked him")

Oh well, later in the night Gary volunteers to be my wingman. So to warmup, we go to the first chicks we find (even beergoggles I know they aren't so attractive). Anyways, about 20 seconds in I turn to Gary and say (apparently loudly enough so the girls can hear): "I don't think this is going well" and start walking away. Next, 2 feet from the girls I am talking about, I beg Vince to go wing me with them. Vince refuses and the girls are sorta laughing at me. I did say I wasn't so impressed when we arrived, but man this place was hopping when we left. I would definitely recommend it.

Anyways, I go up and close my tab. For some reason that will be forever unknown, he gives me two shots of Goldshlagger. Vince is with me and we all know he's boring - er I mean he doesn't drink. So what am I going to do with this second shot? So I offer it to the first cute chick I find. I believe our conversation goes something like this:

Mike: Hye! Watn a shot!?
Cute Girl: (smiling, unsure of how to respond)
Mike: I got thse free! I ned somone to do one wth me! No strings attached!
Cute Girl: Uh ok.
Mike: (raises glass in toast) To UVA!
Cute Girl: Uh.., to UVA!
Mike: (walks away and leaves bar)

Mike (talking with Vince now): Did you see that?! This is my new strategy to get chicks; offer them drinks and tell them I got them free.
Vince: Uh, sure Mike.

So finally we roll into Kang's place. I'm piss drunk. I sorta fell on an airmatress and popped it. Tynia passes out in a drunken slumber, leaving only Vince to take care of me. Anyways, I'm getting the dizzies so there's no way in hell I'm sleeping anytime soon. Finally,
Mike: Hey Vince, where should I throw up?
Vince: Uh... hold on.
(a few minutes later: Vince got me a garbage can)
Mike: (blagh! blagh! pukes in garbage can. Literally, Tynia is passed out less than a foot away through this whole ordeal).

Soon later, I start to get hungry...

Mike: I'm hungry. I'm gonna go to Harris Teeter.
Vince: No Mike.
Mike: I'm just gonna go to Harris Teeter.
Vince: No Mike.
(a bit later)
Mike: I'm just gonna go to Vegas.
Vince: (confused and laughing) Uh, no Mike. Just stay here.
Mike: Uhh, I'm just gonna go to Vegas. I'll be right back.
Vince: No Mike.

Anyways, I believe this becomes a theme where I keep insisting on going to Harris Teeter / Vegas. The SOB won't let me go, but finally he finds me some Honey Nut Cheerios that I can snack on. I may have puked some more, I know I got the urge to spit afterwards, so I did that outside with some fresh air. At one point I tried to read the book I brought along (confederacy of Dunces) but I don't think I succeeded well.

The following day was fun but nothing interesting enough to blog on. We saw the Campus. We played some poker (I won money), watched some college basketball tournament, etc. We did go out but it was nothing like the night before. I hated this bartender who screwed up my orders, wouldn't serve us in pint glasses, spilt a pitcher of beer all over the floor, was kinda a bitch and really just sucked. But I had fun cause I was drinking with my friends.

A Tale of Two Hotdogs

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the age of soberness. It was the age of drunkenness. Excuse my literary interlude. Drunkenness. I got home from the bar and was pretty hungry, so I decided to eat some boiled hotdogs, and maybe watch some TV. The next thing I remember, it was fricking freezing in our house. In my sleepy haze I discover both doors wide open! So I'm screaming at Todd to shut the damn doors, and he's yelling back at me, completely incoherently. Finally I get up and shut the doors - but he's right behind me opening them again. Anyways, I'm way too tired to fight him over this so fuck it, I went to bed.
That's my story; Todd's is a bit different.

Todd's talking to his girlfriend on the phone, and he hears a fire alarm going off. He soon realizes that's it's our fire alarm, and decides to see what's up. He opens his door and - let me quote - 'a mushroom cloud of smoke billowed into my room'. He took a deep breath and ran downstairs to discover the remains of two hotdogs emitting smoke throughout the house. Thinking quickly, he removes the pot, turns off the oven, and opens the doors and windows. According to Todd, our conversation went something like this:
Mike: Shut the fucking doors!
Todd: The house is filled with smoke, keep them open!
Mike: Shut the fucking doors! It's fucking freezing in here!!
Todd: You moron, the house is filled with smoke!
Mike: Fine, I'll shut the damn doors...
Todd: Don't shut the doors! You started a fire in the kitchen!
Mike: You started a fire in the kitchen!
Todd: ugh, go to bed!
Mike: Fuck it, I'm going to bed.

Anyways, I don't remember any smoke or any fire alarm. All I remember is sleeping peacefully until I was rudely interrupted by a freezing livingroom. So did I start a fire in the kitchen? Or was this some elaborate prank, reminiscent of throwing a peaceful sleeper off the couch and videotaping it? You decide...

Sober in DC

Whew, last post was way too long. This one's gonna be shorter. So I'm in DC for a conference. Sunday night I plan on getting wasted in the DC night scene; I find some club on the internet that's like 'last Sunday we were at capacity by midnight', so of course I'm gonna hit this up. I walk near 2 miles to get there; I pull up and there's a sign on the door that says 'we're closed cause we suck and have electricity problems'. Well fuck.

So I'm walkin the streets of DC looking for some place to get drunk around people my age at least. So I hear this hip-hop music blasting from somewhere. I find this place advertising Drinks! and Dancing! It looks kinda sketch from outside, and there's this dude beckoning me from the window. But whatever, I'm desperate. As soon as I walk in I already want to leave; this is by far the most sketch bar I've ever been in. But the bartender greets me, so I order a corona.

As I'm getting my drink I look around. On my right is a small lounge area with one dude in it. In there are a few TVs, each showing a different porn movie. On my left are two people that look like they're in town on business, and there's the guy that beckoned me in from the window. Anyways, I get to talking to this guy, and he's telling me how the women are coming soon. He doesn't out and say it, but I get the strong feeling that he's talking about prostitutes. I get the fuck out of there by saying I'll be back later when the women are in. A bit later, I run into some pandler who's confiding me about this hooker bar a few blocks away. He's telling me how it's such a great deal that I can grope them all cause their postitutes. Yes, it's confirmed, I was at a hooker bar.

Let me tell you, the Sunday night scene in DC sucks. I ended up getting a drink at 4 different hotel bars (including mine). It was ok, and I talked to a bunch of people from all over, but certainly not what I was looking for.

Monday night I hit up ESPN Zone for The Game. TAR! HEELS! TAR!! HEELS!!! Here I met up with the self-proclaimed DC Tar Heels Fans, which consists of 8 or so people who never actually went to UNC but are screaming with about half as much enthusiasm as you might find in Goldie's, but they are still the loudest in place. After the game, I walked out to find Pennsylvania Ave closed to traffic and saturated with the smell of burning bikes in the post-game riots... ok I wish. My friends made me feel better by calling me up and letting me hear the riots in the background. The riots made live national coverage with an ariel view, 'a human bbq' proclaimed one CNN anchor in an absolutely pathetic attempt to joke about the people jumping the bonfires. That's right, I got to see Franklin Live From The Air while y'all were stuck on the ground breathing carcinogenic bike fumes and dodging fireworks! Suckers! I bet you all are jealous as hell. I announced to anyone listening that I live about 3 blocks from where there are now 20K people having about 20x the fun I am.

We're Number One!